Ruan and Hannah's Wedding.

Ruan went to my church.
Hannah started coming.
Because of Ruan.
She turned into one of the sweetest, most genuine people I know.
Even if I did only see her in snippets.

At our church camp she came up to me and invited me to their wedding. Their WEDDING!!!! I know....9mnths later right?? kidding. Its love I'll expect.

Anyway her's some pics- I took my powershot point and shoot. And managed to get in the way of the actual photographer the get a couple of snaps. I love it- the guests think they have the right haha.

 

 

 

I dreamed a dream in time gone by................

Its Time.

I have been on a 10 day church camp.
Before I left, I prayed that God would reveal to me what he wants- basically commiting myself to him. For me to return to what I once was.

So that week, through the incidental moments that you had to 'be there' for, not through the speakers or the programs, God reignited in me a passion and a purpose.

So I was born in Romania. Taken to an orphanage at birth- the other details are hazy/and to sensational to bother with. Its was footage of the orphans after the revolution that inspired my beautiful parents to adopt.
 There is no doubt in my mind that there was no other option in my life- other than to end up a kiwi, in a beautiful family with a heart for God. Absolutly no other option.

So it is no suprise either, that God had lead me to return to Romania. No other option.
Here's a picture (I didn't take it) that is the icon of my return:

This is what I would love to do: (pending God's actual design for my future to be revealed), Go to Romania-armed with a camera, a savings account and a heart to listen.

So for the next 2 yrs- while in a beautiful job, I want to save like no other, take Romanian classes again (I really only know the swear words), buy camera equiptment and team up with a group- either a ministry group or a journalist team.

Then go to Romania and see where God leads. To take footage of the orphans still there to rise International awareness, to start a studio, teach in a school, work in an orphanage, tell my story- where ever he needs.

It reminds me of Moses- he returned eventually to the land he came from to bring his people home- now I know I'm no wilderness majician- but God used what was in his hand- a staff. He will use whats in my hand- a camera.

Here is a verse that is going to be the promise I continually claim these next to yrs- 2 Colossions 5:14.

If I read two versions of the same verse they say "The love of the lord constrains me". Or: "The love of the lord compells me".

Compell and Constrain. Push forward or restrain.

oover the next 2 yrs, I need to be sensitive to God pushing me through the times when my motivation ceases and 'reality' checks in. To inspire me when I have forgotten the dream I once had.

Also I need to listen to God slowing me down, making me think properly about things- not in a flood of emotion and flinging it all away in the heat of the moment. To plan and take it in his time and plan it all properly.

Compell and Constrain. Its kind of a mantra for all aspects of my life anyway. Im so darn impulsive then get immediatly forgetful.

Here's another pic (not mine either) to finish up on.

Theme Song of 2010.

Jamie Cullum "Twenty Something". 

I listened to it on my road-trip-to-get-me-a-job. He's also kinda good looking, in a boy-caught-in-his-dad's-workboots kinda way.

hmm kinda-over-this-type-of-typing.

"After years of expensive education
A car full of books and anticipation
I'm an expert on Shakespeare and that's a hell of a lot
But the world don't need scholars as much as I thought
Maybe I'll go traveling for a year
Finding myself, or start a career
I could work for the poor, though I'm hungry for fame
We all seem so different but we're just the same
Maybe I'll go to the gym, so I don't get fat
Aren't things more easy, with a tight six pack
Who knows the answers, who do you trust
I can't even separate love from lust
Maybe I'll move back home and pay off my loans
Working nine to five, answering phones
But don't make me live for my Friday nights
Drinking eight pints and getting in fights
Don't wanna get up, just have a lie in
Leave me alone, I'm a twentysomething
Maybe I'll just fall in love
That could solve it all
Philosophers say that that's enough
There surely must be more
Love ain't the answer, nor is work
The truth eludes me so much it hurts
But I'm still having fun and I guess that's the key
I'm a twentysomething and I'll keep being me."

oh wow- this is everything about me and the mo- the contradiction/tension between being in-between.

random/weird pic of tattoo- with a vw in the background.

You know how you have 5 senses?

Well my it was my ears that got the first impression. buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. I thought I was at the dentist. I peered around the surly receptionist (who wore black....everything) and saw the noise- this maori guy with what looked like a homemade gun playing light sabers with this guys arm.

Then the lady came over. She was just a nice middle-aged woman who looked, well- normal. My friend Beth came with me- she had her's done a couple of weeks ago and becuase she's a med student I trusted the hygiene and general practice of this middle aged woman called Pip.

Anyway, I embarrased myself/and Beth, by producing 2 pieces of paper with my design in millions of sizes and fonts...to be exactly sure of course.

So she did this fake impression on me and it was all ok, until I decided it was to thick- so I made her do it again.
In normal situations the response to- "Sorry, I should have told you before" would result in "No worries!". But instead I got a short "Yes you should have". riiight. Sort of reasurring though- this woman who is in control and not too polite.

So I sat down and boy the adrenaline was pumping- it was surging through me- I had the goofiest grin on my face.

Ps- the scene- it was:

 I couldn't decide to look or not. It was this little gun thing with a needle pumping at a millions miles an hour at me. Then it all went black and I woke up on a fluffy cloud with the letter box number 9.

NOT!

People describe the pain as a cat's claw, or a serious sunburn. I call it one word- "searing". I confess im a wuss- I don't remember breathing at all.

No pain no gain. But when she said "Only 10 mins to go" I whimpered, audiably.

There was a guy next to me getting his arm thingy extended and I tried to make conversation with him as I was getting settled. Now I know why he just stared at me. Its hard to talk when you can't breathe.

Anway, I did it. wow. And lurve it.

Afterwards Beth and I went to Esquires, drank to see the new yr in and took pics.

This is her's- the butterfly and mine. aww. 

Fineto!!!

The last day of 2009. The last day of the last yr I'm a student.

I'm a visual person.

If someone tells me where to stick it. I can actually see it happening.

Sometimes this visualness is great- like planning a stage set, or an outfit. Sometimes its horrific- as above.

I'm also a forgetful person.

Actually, lets get honest- I have select forgetfullness.

Like my Dads hearing. Poor mum- she gets the best of both worlds.

Anyway- the point is, I have this cycle with God- I thrash around blindly, crash into others, break valuable things, then hit a wall. and in the stunned haze- pray to God. calm down, recieve some wisdom and then copy and paste my last manuvere.

This is because I am forgetful. I hate it. I forget about God till something happens to make me remember. Usually its a painful experience. They say pride comes before a fall.

Im going to go through a painful experience once and for all tomorrow.

I threw out the suggestion that I would get it- and most of the people (other than those with them already) say no because its forever. It's permanant.

But thats the point.

 עַכשָׁיו

So thats it- a tattoo.

I really am hoping that its the correct translation- but I have researched it in dictionary's (I actually went to a libary). It is the direct Hebrew translation of the word........... "Now".

3 reasons:

1) God is here now. Right here. No matter where I am, what I'm thinking or doing. God is here- its a visual reminder, short of tapping me on the shoulder and making me turn around to see the sunset around me. I could simply put an alarm on my phone to remind me to pray- but thats nerdy.

2) Be content- live in the "Now". I am guilty of living in the past and planning for the future. Be, instead of Do.

3) Because, basically I want to. This is my last hurrah. Next yr Im a teacher- like I'll even be cool enough to even think about a tattoo. This is to remember the good ole college days too. Also my friend Beth is going away to Melbourne for an intensive 3 months and this is to support her also, to give her the gift of branding myself because she has one too (that sounds like mum would say in the next sentance---"But if Beth threw herself of a bridge..would you too?"- I'll ignore that. 

Hmm so yeah. Its like the Verb of Now.

This time tomorrow I'll have it. Goodbye 2009, year of the tattoo. Hello 2010 yr of the....?

So the last month has hosted loads of change for me.

I graduated.

At Avondale College- its not just a boring 2 hour service-  its a whole weekend shabang.

The friday night was the coolest- only because I was part of the 'stomp' fest that the graduands marched in to.

This is me doing mah thiing.

For the most part I was resembly happy about it all. I was the staunch one that told the other hankie's to clean it up and get over it.

Until the official morning of graduation. I woke up- with one of my friends in the the room (she had travelled over from NZ for it) and burst into tears.

It hit me- I was actually leaving. Leaving these hot people:

But still I had done it.

 4 yrs. Practicums, music reciatals, exhabitions, festival of faiths. all done.

I was sad about it all- minus the red tape/finance dept. I was sooo glad to rid myself of them.

Or so I thought. I came back to nz all bright eyed and bushy tailed. Only to get slapped by NZQA- the international version of Avondale's finance dept. They gave me a whopping $930 fee to get my teachers registration. Aaaand they had shocking on hold music- only to be rivalled by their attidude.

I must admit- I had good training from my 4yrs at Avondale- so I gave as hard as I was given. but I didn't win, plus my call was being recorded- and I did really want to get a job.

But the whole experience has opened my eyes to the new life ahead of me. The life where I have to fend for myself. A life that doesn't really care about my religious affiliation or my sexual orientation. As long as I have my taxes paid and my rego is new- we're all good.

Part of me is itching to get 'out there' and give it 'em. But the other part wants to still run behind mums apron strings.

However- as attractive and scary as it is- I am being pushed out of the nest.

I am moving to Tauranga. Teaching at Bethlehem College.

But here is a pic that warms my heart and will do when I am looking at it in admist grimy teachery stuff in the heart of the jungle.

Christmas in my house. Yum.

I shall be updating this from time to time. My theme at the moment- contradiction.

Photography v's teaching- can I have both?

My cooking v's mums- should I start learning.

Growing up v's staying the same height.

eckseterah............