The last day of 2009. The last day of the last yr I'm a student.

I'm a visual person.

If someone tells me where to stick it. I can actually see it happening.

Sometimes this visualness is great- like planning a stage set, or an outfit. Sometimes its horrific- as above.

I'm also a forgetful person.

Actually, lets get honest- I have select forgetfullness.

Like my Dads hearing. Poor mum- she gets the best of both worlds.

Anyway- the point is, I have this cycle with God- I thrash around blindly, crash into others, break valuable things, then hit a wall. and in the stunned haze- pray to God. calm down, recieve some wisdom and then copy and paste my last manuvere.

This is because I am forgetful. I hate it. I forget about God till something happens to make me remember. Usually its a painful experience. They say pride comes before a fall.

Im going to go through a painful experience once and for all tomorrow.

I threw out the suggestion that I would get it- and most of the people (other than those with them already) say no because its forever. It's permanant.

But thats the point.

 עַכשָׁיו

So thats it- a tattoo.

I really am hoping that its the correct translation- but I have researched it in dictionary's (I actually went to a libary). It is the direct Hebrew translation of the word........... "Now".

3 reasons:

1) God is here now. Right here. No matter where I am, what I'm thinking or doing. God is here- its a visual reminder, short of tapping me on the shoulder and making me turn around to see the sunset around me. I could simply put an alarm on my phone to remind me to pray- but thats nerdy.

2) Be content- live in the "Now". I am guilty of living in the past and planning for the future. Be, instead of Do.

3) Because, basically I want to. This is my last hurrah. Next yr Im a teacher- like I'll even be cool enough to even think about a tattoo. This is to remember the good ole college days too. Also my friend Beth is going away to Melbourne for an intensive 3 months and this is to support her also, to give her the gift of branding myself because she has one too (that sounds like mum would say in the next sentance---"But if Beth threw herself of a bridge..would you too?"- I'll ignore that. 

Hmm so yeah. Its like the Verb of Now.

This time tomorrow I'll have it. Goodbye 2009, year of the tattoo. Hello 2010 yr of the....?

So the last month has hosted loads of change for me.

I graduated.

At Avondale College- its not just a boring 2 hour service-  its a whole weekend shabang.

The friday night was the coolest- only because I was part of the 'stomp' fest that the graduands marched in to.

This is me doing mah thiing.

For the most part I was resembly happy about it all. I was the staunch one that told the other hankie's to clean it up and get over it.

Until the official morning of graduation. I woke up- with one of my friends in the the room (she had travelled over from NZ for it) and burst into tears.

It hit me- I was actually leaving. Leaving these hot people:

But still I had done it.

 4 yrs. Practicums, music reciatals, exhabitions, festival of faiths. all done.

I was sad about it all- minus the red tape/finance dept. I was sooo glad to rid myself of them.

Or so I thought. I came back to nz all bright eyed and bushy tailed. Only to get slapped by NZQA- the international version of Avondale's finance dept. They gave me a whopping $930 fee to get my teachers registration. Aaaand they had shocking on hold music- only to be rivalled by their attidude.

I must admit- I had good training from my 4yrs at Avondale- so I gave as hard as I was given. but I didn't win, plus my call was being recorded- and I did really want to get a job.

But the whole experience has opened my eyes to the new life ahead of me. The life where I have to fend for myself. A life that doesn't really care about my religious affiliation or my sexual orientation. As long as I have my taxes paid and my rego is new- we're all good.

Part of me is itching to get 'out there' and give it 'em. But the other part wants to still run behind mums apron strings.

However- as attractive and scary as it is- I am being pushed out of the nest.

I am moving to Tauranga. Teaching at Bethlehem College.

But here is a pic that warms my heart and will do when I am looking at it in admist grimy teachery stuff in the heart of the jungle.

Christmas in my house. Yum.

I shall be updating this from time to time. My theme at the moment- contradiction.

Photography v's teaching- can I have both?

My cooking v's mums- should I start learning.

Growing up v's staying the same height.

eckseterah............

Re-Shoot

So I had the opportunity to re-shoot the Pinter family.
This time on location.

Its hard shooting families.
I'll be honest.
Trying to get 12 eyes all looking in one direction.
A mission.

Exhabition Jitters

My mind is buzzing.
I did a photoshoot today (pics soon) in the 100 acre wood (or at l;east thats how I explained it to the 3yr old).
And now I can't sleep. I have figured. If I haven't 'fed' my brain artistically. I have no hope sleeping.

In other news, It is the morning of my Graduation Exhabition. wow. This could be sadder if I indulged myself. I am trying to be stoic.

The 'theme' we were given for the exhabition was 'I AM'. This wasn't intended as a fluffy shmizzle excuse of a self-portrait.
But really we had to get to the core of what the dribble was about. It was like we wrote down what we were about, the core of us, what drove us. We then screwed up that piece of paper and re-wrote it. Then screwed it up again. And again. The result is a very raw exhabition.


My exhabition is all about yearning and seeking out what is hidden.
This woman is hidden.
I have always reached for her.
I have never seen her face.
All I know is that she exsisted at one point in more life. My birth.

So what happens when I tap her on the sholder and she turns around?

Whats the real, raw result of this search?

It's me.

I find me.

The apple never falls to far from the tree.

Thats confronting- to tell yourself you are like the person you are hidden from the most.

But its releasing.

It means I can be a daughter to my real mum and dad.

I am me.

Jasmine * Photo competition

Ok so there are 2 people in the world I totally admire. I've said it for ages. Cindy Morgan for her amazing singer songwriter talent and Jasmine Star for not only her amazing photography- but her accessible success story- she's so real that it feels like I can do it.

I never thought I would meet them, but Jasmine Star has the photographic competition that means if I take this pic:

-A self-portrait with a 'star' somewhere in it...

I'm in the running to win a free seat to her workshop......wait for it............in NZ!!!! Back home!!! I never thought she'd come to nz- this is like my one chance.

http://jasminestarworkshop.com/


So here's what I did:

I jumpt up on stage at my University's evening church program during the announcements.... looked like a fool and announced I needed them to help a sistah in need (epic timing- straight after the plug for a concert raising funds for a slavery project).
So anyway after the service I got them to form a 'Star' on stage and I raced up to the sound and lighting desk, stood on the platform and pressed the self timer.

Here's the progression to get the pic...

The modals....

The ...erm....star....

Me taking over the entire image- smooth.

So here's the final pic!

But in case that one stinks Jasmine, I really want to go...so I grabbed this shot. With the starry lights.

The Jac Attack

So we didn't go to the Jac Banquet (university formal). Instead I begged and swore on my life.... that I would protect the lights and studio equiptment. And I did. And for that I am proud. I can set up a studio. Ha! I even proved myself wrong.


ooo I digress.....I have a schmicky watermark.

So anyway we secretly announced that the studio was set up and voila! here are some shots of a few people that came through- we earn't le grande total of $6.

So after we did these saucy cats...

We got in on it. We dressed up like we went to the Jac, then we got changed...and changed and changed. Im such a girl.

Cue self timer and goofy dances.

 

And this is where I break my promise to the nice studio guys.

Step One: I leap.

Step Two: I run.

Step Three: I photograph the clean up...note- Photograph- not Clean

 Then we are back on track.

I swear I'm not naked- but I have to credit Ted for being a very male photographer.

Pinter Family

They say never work with children and pets.
So I did.

- not the pets though. Not yet.